Can You Spitzer?

As I’m writing this, Eliot Spitzer has just announced his resignation as governor of New York State. As a private attorney, as a member of the Manhattan District Attorney’s office, and then as New York State Attorney General, Spitzer went after wrongdoers with a vengeance. He broke up prostitution rings, prosecuted racketeering cases, and went after federal agencies he felt weren’t adequately protecting the consumer. Then on Monday we learned that at the same time he was doing all these good deeds, he was also spending upwards of $80,000 on high-priced call girls he was sneaking across state lines to visit when he should have been busy at work in his office.

Without getting into the political or legal implications of everything that’s been coming out this week, can you do this? Can you Spitzer?

What I mean by this is, Can you separate your personal beliefs or true personality from what you need to do for your job? Can you be one person in private and another for your career? In many professions, it’s required; if you can’t Spitzer, you’d better find another job.

Acting is one of those careers, and Jim Carrey is a prime example of an actor who Spitzers well. As Carrey told Matt Lauer on Monday on the Today Show, in 2000 he played the Ultimate Bad Guy, the Grinch, in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and now he’s supplying the voice of the Ultimate Good Guy, Horton, in a movie made from another Dr. Seuss classic, Horton Hears a Who. He pulled off each one convincingly, and he had a blast doing it. Is Carrey, as a person, an especially good or bad guy? No, of course not. Few people are. He’s just an average guy who can put on the “face” that’s required by his job.

When I first graduated from college with a BA in journalism, I became a newspaper reporter. As almost everyone who knew me back then can testify, I was shy. No, not shy, but SHY. Make that SHY!! I had trouble even speaking to myself in the mirror. But when I had to cover a story, when I had to—horrors!—interview someone, I did okay. Why? Because I was Elaine the Reporter, not Elaine the Private Person. Elaine the Reporter wasn’t shy. On the job, she could talk to people without a problem. She could sit at strangers’ kitchen tables and ask them about their frightening or unusual experiences. She could confront seedy or unfriendly people on the street or in their offices and try to weasel “the truth” out of them. But Elaine the Private Person had trouble crawling out from under her bed to answer the telephone on her nightstand.

I’m not a reporter anymore, but I continue to Spitzer today, especially when I’m working on one of my mysteries. To write any type of fiction well, a writer needs to be able to “become” his or her characters. With crime fiction, that means the writer needs to be able to identify not only with the sleuth, but also with the villain—to feel and understand the villain’s anger and hate, to think of and carry out (on paper) evil deeds, to lie and scheme and maim and kill.

I sometimes get worried by how easily I can do this. I sometimes outright scare my family. But I know the person who’s identifying with the unsavory characters and figuring out how torture the innocent is Elaine the Mystery Writer, not Elaine the Private Person, so I feel a little better about it. Heck, who’s kidding whom? I get totally into it! I enjoy it!

How about you? Can you Spitzer? If you’re a writer, you most likely can. How do you feel about it?

Turning Spam into Crown Roast of Pork

The past several months, I’ve been picking away at planning out a new novel. I had intended to write this particular novel for Nano, but my computer crashed four times, so I never even finished my character and setting sketches. However, I’ve spent enough time with the story in my head that I know it inside out.

Since it’s another book in the series my last book belongs to, I also intimately know a good number of the characters. Thank goodness. Mind you, it’s not that I dislike creating characters. Rather, it’s naming them I despise. It stymies me. Big time.

It’s not that I can’t think of names. I can think of a ton of names. But when I chart them out, I discover I have the same problem as the client I complained about a while ago. All my names begin with the same few letters. Or too many end in i or y. Or they all seem to have two syllables. Or they sound too much alike. You get my drift.

And when I finally come up with The Perfect Name, it eventually turns out to be the wrong nationality. Or the wrong generation. Or it’s a name I like, but other people feel it imparts the wrong impression.

To make character naming just a tad less torturous, I’m always on the lookout for good new sources of names. I have two character-naming guides and about half a dozen baby-naming books in my bookcase, plus I have several character- and baby-naming websites bookmarked. I also hang on to old phone books. Someone on one of the email discussion lists I belong to recently said she collects college yearbooks for this purpose. Someone else mentioned the various name-generator programs available on the internet. One I use that has a free version is simply called Random Name Generator, by Kitchona Software, and lets you specify gender and nationality.

But as I was downloading my email this morning, I realized I had a slew of names free for the picking right in my inbox. Just today I got messages from Linda Toure and German N. Camp. I might be wrong, of course, but I believe Ms. Toure, who would like me to provide a bank account into which she can temporarily deposit her $18.3 million, won’t mind if I borrow her name for the character I’ve just been calling “the receptionist.” And Mr. Camp, who suffers from word salad but seems to be offering to sell me medications that he’ll ship very fast, might feel honored if he becomes one of my homicide cops.

I know! I’ll order some Viagra. That should yield enough character names for the rest of this series and maybe even a couple more!

All I want for Christmas is an aging barfly

Have you spotted any barflies lately, perched precariously on a bar stool, swirling the beer bottle as if the brew needed a little more mixing? Are barflies endangered species, or nearly extinct? Do they only exit in remote locales?

It's been years since I've seen one. I've never had a long conversation with one. Should you come across a barfly with some time to spare, would you tuck her into a nice spot under my Christmas tree? I promise to snatch and release, should you bag one for me.

A barfly could slide into my novel as a fly on the wall, looking at the darker moments in life without a dream of escape. With her in my mystery series, how could I go wrong? I'd treat her kindly. No enslavement here!

I could also use a slick liar who sometimes speaks the truth. Do you know one who's available? Is there room on your sleigh? My stories sure could use that slick liar to redirect the plot just in the knick of time. Please don't send anyone with a pyramid scheme, okay? I don't have the money to lose just yet, and I tend to believe that people are honest.

OH! How about an old soldier? Do you have one who would hang around for a while? The kind of guy who might keep a barfly company? One who uses lots of nearly obsolete adages? (The other night my hubby compared something to being "like tits on a boar hog." I whooped. He couldn't believe I'd never heard that old soldier's line. I want more!)

According to my rejections, I'll be needing more than just a barfly, a liar and a soldier to spiff up my series proposals. Could you summon up a great story teller to drop down my chimney? Somebody who swills a bit, then spins a tale that has everyone laughing until their sides hurt? Maybe that old soldier guy could be the narrator and keep the story running? What brand of beer should I stock up?

Whew! Thanks for listening to this letter-writing warm-up. It's Christmas and I need to send off my DEAR SANTA note before time runs out. Ah, the time of miracles. Maybe, with your help and all these salty characters hanging out at my house, I'll break into the big-time in 2008 - Okay, okay, I'll settle for 2009!

(Be sure to catch Clare2e and Travis Erwin's musical/poetic challenge from December 21st, which inspired me to ponder my Christmas wish list. Hope Santa brings you and your loved ones great joy!)

Write On!
Nan