Wright to the Rescue

This week I was in need of a pick-me-up.

One, I'm off in a minute to undergo a procedure that required a really fun prep yesterday. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, never mind. You don’t want to.)

Two, half the people I know have flu - both the seasonal and barnyard variety - and I’m weary of avoiding crowded rooms. I had long ago scheduled my own (seasonal) flu shot. On Tuesday I showed up at the doctor’s office for my injection, only to learn he had used his last vaccine on the patient before me (!) and had no idea when his stores would be refreshed. As for H1N1, he expects his supply in a couple of years.

Three, I was panting to provide you here with the news of my discovery of Pandora Radio, a website with a single platform: “To play only music you'll love”; and they do, they really do (try dropping in “Neil Young” and see what you get). Then I realized I was the only person on the planet who was unaware of Pandora’s Music Genome Project; imagine my embarrassment if I’d actually published a “guess what, you guys!” post....

So you can understand why I turned to Steven Wright for solace. Besides, to read Steven Wright one-liners (though admittedly not as fun as watching his stand-up performances, which you can do here) offers a fine dose of the giggles and is the perfect prescription for what ails me. Note, as well, that his last name is “Wright” so the subject is pertinent for this blog. Furthermore, to read his witticisms is a study in the art of writing humor. (I’m repeating the remedial class.)

So...although it took awhile to come around on the guitar... here are my selections. Please note that each is relevant to the Women of Mystery. Please savor each one - imagine Wright's droll delivery - and let the line roll around in your brain:

“When I die I’m gonna leave my body to science fiction.”

“How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?”

“Why is it a penny-for-your-thoughts, but you have to put your two cents in?”

“I got contacts, but I only need them when I read, so I got flip-ups.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.”

If these aren’t enough to cheer you, you can always turn to Slashdot for Fruit Bats Have Oral Sex Too.

- Lois