I recently had the pleasure of reading The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, a wonderful story that takes place in Barcelona from 1945 to 1966 and stretches back in time to 1932. The novel is filled with danger and intrigue, seduction and revenge and tragedy and love-- all revolving around the passion of books. Nearly every page has two sentences that captivate the reader. I particularly liked the following two:
A secret's worth depends on the people from whom it must be kept. My first thought on waking was to tell my best friend about the Cemetery of Forgotten Books.
Now here are two sentences from the novel I'm working on:
The fiery edges of the setting sun angled sharply over the distant peaks while lingering slivers of orange flew across the landscape like a bettor homing in on a hot table. The scorching orb that had claimed the Strip all day, sharing the wealth of its white-hot light no longer had the juice.
Would love to know about anything you're working on. Post a link or your words in the comments, and we'll update this post throughout the day!
• Terry Odell has intriguing forgotten evening sentences in the comments
• Barbara Martin also has sentences in the comments, these on Canadian history
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10 comments:
From Kindred in Death by JD Robb:
"He smiled at her as he had when she'd walked down a white runner to an arbor of white roses toward him. As it had then, her heart gave one quick leap."
I don't post my own works in progress on my sites. And this week, I'm working on tightening my rambling first draft.
Since I'm writing a police procedural, I don't write much "flowery" description. My characters tend to talk in short, choppy sentences, and because I'm a firm believer that the narrative voice has to echo the character voice (or is it because I hate writing long, flowery descriptions?), almost all my writing is shorter and choppier. The two sentence example given in today's post would be at least six for me. :-)
Pulling two sentences out would have readers wondering what's going on. I doubt they'd captivate taken out of context.
Here's my paragraph equivalent of two sentences:
Justin awakened, disoriented. Light filtered in from under the door and the edges of the window. Unfamiliar shapes appeared as shadowed silhouettes. Sounds of breathing, not his own, permeated the quiet. Slowly, the world reassembled. Hotel room. Memories slipped into place.
That is lovely writing!
Hi Cathi,
I haven't gotten a lot of reading done this week, but I did get some writing time. Here are two sentences I wrote:
"We liked it best when Mr. Caine came up the stairs with a new Candy, as my father called the women Apartment 2B hauled home from the corner ginmill. We’d watch them bouncing off the banisters, alternately shoving or smooching, sometimes one falling backwards down a step or two."
I enjoyed your sentences both written and read.
Terrie
"Shadow of the Wind" is one of my favorite books. Love it!
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
I loved Shadow of the Wind, too, and how even a sunset in Vegas is tied to the game.
Nice, Terry and Terrie! So different in type and style, and I like them both.
I won't bore you with my reading, but some of my hasty NaNo: It simply wasn't far enough a fall to guarantee that you wouldn't live to regret it. Chilly abstraction had taken her over, seeing broken Rolando merely as an exhibit of structural problems within a set of gravity-driven circumstances.
Cool sentences, everyone. Here's a chunk I wrote last week:
“I understand my sins.” He didn’t seem inclined to let her out, though, and panic rose in her throat. What words did he need to hear? What would work?
Your lines are wonderfully descriptive.
Your sentences are eloquently descriptive.
From Like Mayflies in a Stream by Shauna Roberts, where a herd of gazelles are at a watering hole:
"The boy stood among them, still as stone, empty water skins hanging from sticks balanced on his shoulders, waiting for the creatures to drink their fill. He kept his sling in one hand and pebbles in the other."
Of late I have been drafting Canadian history articles for an online magazine. Two recent draft sentences from today's work which need editing:
"The early settlement in Saskatchewan began with homesteading by immigrants from Europe and the formation of bloc settlements set up by the federal government. The Métis, who had begun farming their plots of land prior to the arrival of the Europeans, resisted by armed conflict during the North-West Rebellion of 1884-85."
Terry -
I should say that my sentences are never very flowery or descriptive, either. In fact, I have been accused of writing "like a man," and I have to go back and edit in that kind of stuff.
Laura - since that scene was in a male POV, 'writing like a man' is a good thing. I tend to skip description when I read (my bad) and have to force myself to add it. I'm not much at metaphors either. Striking a balance is tricky -- but nobody said this writing stuff was easy!
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