Power of Language: Career Haiku

I'm often struck by the clever (or amusingly not-so) use of language in everyday life. And it's been strange days in corporate land lately.

I have a dear friend working at [Big Company] who knows a guy providing various internal technical services. This poor shlub was informed that, circumstances being what they are, despite heroic efforts, his performance review was destined to be craptastic.

Like anything passed through the alimentary canal of corporate HR, the lengthy form he was provided for self-evaluation reeks of buzz-speak and CYA redundancy. I'll spare you the endless bullets, but he was asked to rate himself in the following areas: Planning & Execution of Projects; Ownership, Accountability, and Interaction; Problem Management; Standards & Processes; Financial Management; Leadership; Connectivity; Developing Provocative Dialogues; Client Focus; and Technical Learning. Makes me wince just reading that.

However, this one man refused to be defeated by small minds and smaller raises. He fought back with the power of poetry, and this is the verbatim response he delivered to his boss:

Planning is important
There is much to keep on track
Accomplished on time!

Working with others
Perception's Reality
Everyone's happy

So unexpected!
All problems are important
Things break all the time

We should all agree
Standards are necessary
We work together

They all must be paid
Or the work will not get done
Money makes it go!

Lead by example
No one's paying attention
I still do what's right

We are a business
I support [Company]
refer Customers!

Words are important
But I must be understood
Don't cross the thin line

Service Company
The client is why we're here
We keep them happy

They offer training
But there's no training budget
I will find a way!

Apparently, his boss sympathized, so it wasn't job hara-kiri.
But this is one Zenned-out IT muthafuggah, ya'll. I am awed and inspired.