What did I read this week? Well, I read the comments on my Daphne submissions. Unfortunately, there's not much I can say about them except that in the spots where they were specific they almost always contradicted each other. Comments like "I really loved the description of the setting" contrasting with "there are too many details about the setting." It's enough to make your head explode!
But, that's the way it goes...every reader is different, and the same 15 pages got scores (out of a possible 128) ranging from 92 to 128. What did I learn? Well, I knew the manuscript needed work...it will take some time to figure out how useful the comments are. A couple of things that were pointed out are things I already knew were issues but I didn't know how to fix. I was hoping I'd get some suggestions, but I suppose it's useful enough to know that I am not the only one who sees the problems. And at least one person loved it!
What did I write?
You have more to worry about than perverts watching you pee, she reminded herself. But still she pulled the hem of her shirt as low as she could, and huddled over, shielding herself from the view of any potential cameras.
How about you all? What did you read? What did you write? If you're posting your work on your own blog, just leave a note in the comments and I'll add a link at the bottom of this post.
Two Sentence Tuesday Participants:
Travis Erwin has posted his sentences on his blog
Ilana Stephens has posted hers in the comment section
Miladysa has posted hers in the comment section
Britta Coleman, our resident non-conformists, posts hers on her blog on Thursdays
Posts
15 comments:
From Sandy Parshall's DISTURBING THE DEAD: "She watched the snow come down. White flakes swirled under the streetlamps before spiraling to the ground,like crazed butterflies caught out of season, dying in the cold."
I wrote: "The Snug brothers weren't big, but they operated as a pack and they always got even. I don't know where, when, or why, but the guy's face bore the stamp of their handiwork even now."
And, Laura, I've had my share of Daphne reactions. I appreciate the variety of responses. It reminds me that some of the comments are way off-base, but others might be worth serious consideration.
Some of us would be more than willing to read through your manuscript with those "issues" in mind (hint, hint). Just pull up our off-list addresses and give a holler!
(Are you sure you're the same woman who is getting her brain recalibrated? Sounds calibrated sufficiently for me!)
I'm working on the query letter, so here's two sentences from that.
"To solve the mysteries, Claire is going to have to turn to Joel, a man who once humiliated her. Together, they’ll have to confront the murderer and deal with the ghost who has returned to deliver her own form of justice."
I've been wondering when the Daphne comments would come back. I'll start watching for the mailman...
Nice scrivening, ladies! For all our Daphne entrants, I've been collaborating on a plot outline for a very different kind of project (for me). Perhaps more on that later, but here's a taste of the skeleton:
Fed up, Jody sticks her Prada pump into the gap of the door. Turning back to see if her overweight colleague's close enough to roll film, she finds herself hauled inside, tumbling to the floor from which she sees the pier and Harv shrinking in the distance.
I read: Choked with a mix of bicycles, scooters, automobiles, and the occasional Harley, traffic moved with the rhythm of a school of shiny kingfish. They had all come to enjoy paradise, to sample Duval Street's spicy gumbo of shops, bars, restaurants, and art galleries. - from Dead Run by Erica Spindler
Hmmm. Suddenly, I'm reading romantic suspense.
Nan...be careful what you hint at! It's not ready for public consumption yet, but I may take you up on that...
Ilana - query letters are SO HARD!!! I struggled with mine for ages.
Clare - about that project...I left my power supply at Borders yesterday. I have to go now and get it.
Well, H-E-double-hockey-sticks, what a nuisance. Sorry.
I posted mine.
I'm intrigued about those perverts and cameras. Hope that doesn't make me sound like one.
Travis -
Rest assured, it doesn't make you sound like anything you aren't.
::grin::
This reads interesting :-D
You have to quote something from a book you have read and then a quote from something of your own? Is that right?
Miladysa -
Yep. It's a low-pressure way of keeping motivated. Just post two sentences you read and two sentences you wrote. They can be from anything--my entry last week was two sentences from a letter to the tax collector, not from my work in progress! So join the fun! If you prefer to post on your own blog, put a note here in the comments and we'll add a link to your site onto the post.
Thanks Laura :-D
Here goes:
Two I read:
1. From a report in a local paper upon the discovery of a 5,000 year old stone circle,
"If this was anywhere else in the world it would already be a tourist attraction."
2. From my friend Melissa over at Forge Light [http://forgeblog.blogspot.com/]
"I imagine the fashioning of this birds vocal chords being like some concoction you hear about in tales of fairies ... part spider web with dew, a little silver, and the smell of lilacs and you have yourself a bird call.”
Two from me:
1. “Pearls of snow continued to fall beyond the stone lintel window and the grey-green washed landscape of the day had been transformed into a sparkling sea of powdered white.”
2. "Henry was a good judge of character, at least of those who were alive, if the same set of rules applied to the dead then he had the impression that Stanley and he would get along just fine."
This is fun! I shall try to be on time next week :-D
Interesting sentences, Miladysa!
Great lines! Love the "peeing" and "perverts" alliteration. (See that grad class in poetry IS paying off.)
Haven't posted mine yet...will hope to get to it tomorrow for Two by Two Thursday.
Cool stuff, Miladysa! And your blog is lovely!
Cool beans, Britta...I put a link to your blog up in the post.
Thank you :-D
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