May We Masticate the Oleaginous Re: Word Choice?

Overheated verbiage makes me dizzy and weak-kneed, too. I can recover without the cigar, however, I do often need to put my head between my knees with a damp cloth on the back of my neck.

As Nan's post yesterday mentioned writerly things impossible for love nor money, here's a quote by Mark Twain I've always liked:

I never write "metropolis" for seven cents, because I can get the same money for "city." I never write "policeman," because I can get the same price for "cop." . . . I never write "valetudinarian" at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen.

I recalled that sentiment again, when serendipity, and my pal Bonnie, brought this e-mail quiz to my attention:

The following 18 statements are all complicated ways of saying simple adages. Can you decipher them?

1. Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.
2. Neophyte's serendipity.
3. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.
4. Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.
5. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
7. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately decanted lacteal fluid.
8. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
9. The stylus is more potent than the rapier.
10. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
11. Surveillance should precede saltation.
12. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minific! Fain would I fathom your nature specific!
13. The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.
14. Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.
15. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be well advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles.
16. Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
17. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly resplendent.
18. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

Probably, if above was how you first heard them, you wouldn't have remembered these maxims, much less understood what they meant. Good art and craftsmanship, whatever the medium, ought to show us things that we can recognize as true, even when transmitted in a form that's unexpected. What it doesn't do, IMHO, is thin the vitality of its essence by transfusing extra syllables from an unabridged thesaurus. In fiction, when I read people "permambulating" instead of walking and those who "exhort" or "declaim" rather than saying things, unless it's perfect for the POV or the author's P.G. Wodehouse, my eyes roll. How lean and purposeful is my own fiction? Well, there's always room for improvement, but I like to think I at least apprehend the postulation.

As we're heading into a long weekend, here's Bonus Twain advice, also from the link above:

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Given modern usage, to really get the effect, I may have to use "m*th**f**king".
In any case, Happy Labor Day Weekend, ya'll!

Some Things You Can't Do For Love Nor Money

How versatile is your writing? I thought I was pretty capable of writing within established parameters, but I recently found my limits.

A few years ago I met a gal who wrote stories for the CHICKEN SOUP series. I noodled with the idea of doing that, but decided to keep on pursuing fiction. Since then she has become a romance writer, published by Harlequin and I'm still yet-to-be-published. I took a look at her career path. She now writes for their Steeple Hill branch, which publishes Inspirational Christian Romance. In all honesty, I didn't know there was a Steeple Hill branch, had no idea what made for an Inspirational Christian Romance.

The other day I caught a look at the guidelines she has to follow. I thought it was a spoof. I went to the website and found the guidelines.

No Joke.

(With all due respect, the italics are my shameful thoughts. I'm afraid I don't match their needs.) Here are the guidelines:

"Steeple Hill’s fiction program features wholesome Christian entertainment that will help women to better guide themselves, their families and other women in their communities toward purposeful, faith-driven lives.

"Length: 55,000–60,000 words"

[So far, so good...]

"The Love Inspired line is a series of contemporary, inspirational romances that feature Christian characters facing the many challenges of life and love in today's world."

[I can do that.]

"Each story should have an emotional, satisfying and mature romance; however, the characters should not make love unless they are married. These are "sweet" romances. Any physical interactions (i.e., kissing, hugging) should emphasize emotional tenderness rather than sexual desire or sensuality." [Does the heroine save that for the pool boy?] "There should not be an excessive reliance on kissing scenes or use of words such as "desire," "need," etc. Please use euphemisms for the more intimate body parts. Please avoid any mention of nudity." [Can I mention the vibrant contrast of white skin against black?]

"Drama, humor and even a touch of mystery all have a place in the series. [Good] Foul language, taking the Lord's name in vain, euphemisms for curses (heck, darn, gosh) and scenes containing violent content do not." [Not good.] "Any subplots should come directly from the main story." [Like hubby's affair with his secretary?] "Secondary characters (children, family, friends, neighbors, fellow church members, etc.) can also help contribute to a substantial and gratifying story." [Are sinners allowed if they're Christian?] "First person point of view (hero or heroine) can be used where appropriate to the story. Stories can have international settings, though the main characters should be North American." [Does that include Native Americans?]

"An element of faith must be present in the books, and should be well-integrated into the plot." [Fair enough.] "The conflict between the main characters should be an emotional one, arising naturally from the characters." [Like the cross-dressing hubby's obsession with his wife's shoe collection? ] "And the progression of the story must incorporate the faith journey of hero and heroine, whether struggling to accept faith or simply being active members of their church community. By the end of the story, hero and heroine must be both believers and members of a church community." [One that supports gay adoptions?]

"Because Steeple Hill sells to both CBA and ABA bookstores, we must adhere to CBA conventions." [That explains some of the standards in these guidelines.] " The stories may not include alcohol consumption by Christian characters, dancing, card playing, gambling or games of chance (including raffles)," [Yowza!] "explicit scatological terms, hero and heroine remaining overnight together alone , Halloween celebrations or magic "[No Harry Pottering allowed], "or the mention of intimate body parts. Lying is also problematical in the CBA market and characters who are Christian should not lie or deceive others. Possibly there could be exceptional circumstances (matters of life and death), but this has to be OK'd by an editor." [If the bad guy is not a Christian, can he lie?]

"We are looking for authors writing from a Christian worldview and conveying their personal faith and ministry values in entertaining fiction that will touch the hearts of believers and seekers everywhere."

End of quote.

For all my scoffing, it's good to remember that there's a wide audience out there, and fervent Christians buy a lot of books. I'm amazed that my friend meets all these guidelines and yet turns out a good story. I'm impressed. It's more than I could ever do!

Write On!
Nan

A Fistful of Universe

Is there such a thing as too much muse?

I've got more and more friends with blogs. RSS feeds to watch. Experts generously willing to expound on weapons and poisons and forensics. Way too many forums and digests...every one a must-read for a mystery writer.

And the wikis! The newsfeeds! The videos! The trivia! I've got speed-reader envy.

Month after month, while ramping up my reading, I considered all the fodder a grand gift, none of it to be spurned lest the muse sabotage my internet connection. But quite suddenly I've found that, for the sake of sanity, I've got to slow down my consumption of all things internet. My head's about to explode.

Don't get me wrong. I recognize the Web for the creative ocean it is, and believe me, I'm grateful. But I'm a perfectionist. Always have been. I find it difficult to do a half-ass job of anything. Must be on top of every subject I write about. Be fully prepared. So when I'm handed ideas on a platter, I've got to turn every one of them over. Just to be sure the next isn't better than the last one I pocketed.

After all, I learned at Dr. Seuss' knee. This exhaustive - and exhausting - study brings to mind Horton Hears a Who.

“I’ll find it!” cried Horton. “I’ll find it or bust!
I SHALL find my friends on my small speck of dust!”
And clover, by clover, by clover with care
He picked up and searched, and called, “Are you there?”
But clover, by clover, by clover he found
That the one that he sought for was just not around.
And by noon poor old Horton, more dead than alive,
Had picked, searched, and piled up, nine thousand and five.

Then, on through the afternoon, hour after hour…
Till he found them at last! On the three millionth flower!
“My friends!” cried the elephant. “Tell me! Do tell!
Are you safe? Are you sound? Are you whole? Are you well?”

Yup. That's me. Maybe I could keep it up if I knew there was only one dust speck that harbored a Whoville. But on the internet you find them with every nth click. What if I miss one? (Now if I just try the search this way....)

I've concluded that I've got to allow whole galaxies of Whos to drift right on by. Learn to skim, sift, and dabble, then trust I've got enough to go on. Allow other writers to pick up the strays.... Because it's not as if the drops are finite in this enormous sky. I can dip in a hand and grab a fistful of universe. Let the stars dribble out between my fingers.

Plenty more where they came from. No worries. Yeah, right.

- Lois

Who Do We Write For?

I’m 1,300 miles from home, staying at my daughter’s house in sunny (and hot) Florida while celebrating my grandson’s fifth birthday. Before I left New York, I received a copy of the Noose, the newsletter of the New York chapter of the Mystery Writers of America. On the back cover a number of authors answered the question: “Who Do You Write For?”

I wish I could quote the answers of the participating authors, including SinC NY/TriState recent past president, Cynthia Baxter, but alas, the Noose is in my file cabinet in New York and I am in Florida.

I do remember that some write to please themselves, and some write to please the reader. And I remember that Cynthia Baxter’s response had an edge of responsibility to it. She is determined to present her best possible work. And that’s a good thing.

One thing I am sure of is that we do want someone to read what we write, and, hopefully, to enjoy it. I was on the computer the other night catching up on the hometown news, when an article in the New York Post smacked me in the face. The headline blared: “1 IN 4 DIDN’T READ 1 BOOK LAST YEAR.” Click here.

Didn’t read one book? What were they doing? Well, if we discount the Texan who said he would rather spend time in his backyard pool, (I knew right off that wasn’t you, Travis Erwin.) a 2004 study blames “television, movies and the Internet.”

The article also points out that publishing is a “well established industry with limited opportunities for expansion.”

Okay, so if we forget about the 27% of American adults who have not read a single book in the past year, let’s look at the 73% who read at least one book. Of those, women read a median number of nine books per year and men read about five. The article goes on to describe today’s reader. Over 50 is a good bet and it turns out that southerners read a bit more than the rest of the country. Liberals read more than conservatives. The survey goes on and on. So, you can search out the survey, read it thoroughly and find the composite of the ultimate reader and write for that person.

Or you could just keep on writing what you want to write. I think that’s what I’m going to do.

Terrie

Pimping a Book?

Okay, I'm one of the gals who's going to be published in the MURDER NEW YORK STYLE anthology. I'm proud of being in the book (due out next fall), but would rather make apologies for my short story's flaws than promote the book. Now's the time for us to be lining up our promotional plans, recruiting a network of supporters ready to tout our wares. Now's not the time to feel like I'm turning into a pimp instead of a merchant of fine tapestries.

Still, I feel like my writing's destined to be an embarrassment to myself and my compatriots. Maybe it's just my sado-masochistic inner child that needs taming. Is it fear of success? It feels like fear of being "outed" as a pseudo-writer. A poser. A literary quack.

Don't get me wrong. This isn't a plea for support - more like a continuation of my response to Claire's comments on the art of not-writing. Self-analysis time on a blog. Musings on the dark side of writing.

There's some famous painter who was not allowed near his paintings in art museums because he was forever whipping out a paint brush and fixing up his creations. The museum people frowned on that. But that's exactly what I want to do with the short story that's wending its way into print. Too late. Time now to rally the troops who have been my cheerleaders for years and pick their minds for how to publicize the upcoming anthology. My goose is cooked. Might as well invite folks over for dinner!

In the end, I remind myself that the editors could have kicked my story to the curb instead of keeping it in the mix. It made the cut. It can't be that bad, can it? I'd be an idiot not to act like a team player!

Onward and upward. Time to learn how to promote a book. Learning by doing. Just like writing. Only different.

Refocus. Sell the wonderful stories that fill the anthology. Is that what's meant by selling "the goods?" Okay. I can do that.

Write On!
Nan

Posting from the Slough

I haven't had much to say, because I haven't been writing much. Okay, at all. I haven't been reading much either, just anesthetic old favorites. In fact, while almost every other box is gone, I've only unpacked 5% of my books. Why?

I think it's because I'm at the cusp of something, of decisions and action, and that's always an uncomfortable point, a la the darkness before dawn, the tension before the thaw, the pan of water that just Will. Not. Boil.

I have multiple projects I could be/should be touching, but I'm not inspired by any of them or the endeavor of writing at all. So instead, I surf college extension courses and helicopter pilot schools. I look for a new, reasonable kind of purpose that I could claim without having to further explain how I'm not published and why. This, too, is typical for me. Grousing to myself about not being published rather than filling the pipeline with publishable work.

As for all the new premises I have abandoned in states of incomplete research and planning, well, their novelty and excitements have worn off, leaving me with work to do and endpoints that look too far away. So I brood. And pace. Mutter and putter around with other tasks or grind my teeth while staring holes into the desk top. I gripe with copious and unjustified self-pity and widely dispersed irritation. And all this sturm und drang accompanies every giant leap forward I've ever made. I must arrive at a certain threshold of keenly energetic self-loathing (not to mention loathing in general) before I can re-locate my double-joints and kick my own ass.

Why do I make myself go through it...every single time? I don't know, but it always does eventually yield something. And besides, I don't think I can possibly be alone.

The Black Orchid Anniversary Party

Larry and I attended the big anniversary party for New York's legendary mystery bookstore, the Black Orchid last week.

So did half the mystery universe. Michael Connelly, Lee Child, Laura Lippman, Megan Abbott, Charles Ardai, Otto Penzler, Reed Coleman, Margery Flax, Jane Clelland, Harlen Coben, Sarah Weinman, Anthony Rainone, Bob Knightly and many more.

It was a beautiful summer evening and the party spilled out onto the sidewalk of East 81st Street as usual. Bonnie and Joe were charming as always. Lots of their regular customers -- die-hard mystery fans -- were there as well. It was, as always, a great party.

But there was a sad sub-text -- Black Orchid is closing this fall -- and it will be badly missed.

Personally, Bonnie and Joe have been mentors, supporters and friends. When Larry got his first book, TOO RICH TO LIVE published, we stopped in to meet them. They couldn't have been more gracious. They were welcoming and kind. We stopped back about a million times and asked a million questions and they were absolutely wonderful. They helped us in more ways than I can relate. Tips on how things get done. Looking over publicity materials and giving advice. And selling tons of books!

We had the launch party there for Larry's second book, FEAR AND GREED and for the thriller we wrote together, LADYKILLER. Both times we had over 70 people -- friends, colleagues, family, authors, everybody!

It was our policy -- and our pleasure -- to never leave the store empty handed. We bought books by the dozen, discovering new authors, reading books by people we had met. And as we got to be friends, Bonnie and Joe started coming to our place or we would go out for a meal together. There's nothing better than a summer dinner party in our garden (yes, Manhattan does have some) drinking cocktails, grilling dinner, eating under the stars and talking to assorted authors, agents, reviewers, publishers and friends.

And, naturally, we won't give that up! It's just that we'll miss the bookstore. We'll miss going to the book parties and signings. We'll miss stopping by on weekends to talk to them and their regular customers -- many of whom became friends, too. We'll miss haveing a bookseller who knows our taste and recommends new authors and digs up old ones we shouldn't miss.

Damn it, we'll miss the Black Orchid! It's lucky that we'll still have dear friends Bonnie and Joe to reminisce about it with.

D-Day

Zero hour. Today I go to the post office to pick up a Priority Mail envelope to send off the first three chapters of my new manuscript.

Once upon a time, whether to send your pages Priority or not was a question. The latest changes in postal rates and requirements have eliminated that concern--Priority is now the only practical way to send anything you don't want to fold into a #10 envelope. Given that a part of my job requires mailing things for a living, I find it hard to believe I have no envelopes at home, but that's the way it always seems to work. Because I have a big show next weekend, in the past week my glass saw has needed a new belt, then a new blade, and now my oxygen generator needs new holding tanks. (At least the hives are under control--Zyrtec and Benadryl may be a sleep-inducing cocktail, but they do work.)

I've edited these three chapters within an inch of their lives. The first few pages went to my writing class members for critique and subsequently underwent major revisions. I hacked and chopped and supplemented. I polished. I put a fresh cartridge of ink into my printer. And now there is nothing left to do but print. (20# bond or 24? Times or Times New Roman? Decisions, decisions.)

Now, every piece of advice you see tells you that you should submit to multiple agents/editors at the same time. There are several reasons for this. First, you have a better chance of getting an offer. Second, you might even get two (or more!) offers and be able to choose between them.

Multiple submissions is a concept I have always had trouble with, however. First, I hate submitting/querying blind. I much prefer to send off my work to people I've met at conferences or in other situations, which limits the number of potential recipients. Second, I am never certain that the agent or editor will not make some kind of comment about the work that would improve it so much that it would have a much better chance of being accepted by someone else should I make a recommended change.

So today, the pages go to only one agent. Maybe next week I will have the energy to come up with a second cover letter and be able to send it off to someone else. (Cover letters are always personalized, which also makes multiple submissions harder--if you're blind querying, you can at least have a basic form with which to work.)

Wish me luck. I'll get back to you in three or four months when I hear something.

Copyright Worries

Idea theft is a big worry for many "new" writers. Although they can quote the copyright rules, they speak of their stories in veiled terms. Their synopses come up shallow: "There's a good gal and a bad guy and she has to get him before he gets her, so she does. But there's lots of trouble along the way and a major twist at the end." That approach is never going to bring success. To pitch your book you've got to pitch the best parts of your story, and that means spilling the show-stopping elements in your query letter and in your synopsis. Don't worry about having your ideas stolen. The copyright laws are on your side. Take that leap of faith and you won't be sorry. I promise.

When it comes to fear of "stolen ideas," have I got a story for you!

Over 30 years ago I taught third world cultures, with an emphasis on Africa South of the Sahara. One summer I stumbled across a short biography of an obscure Islamic leader who ruled Oman (an emirate south of Saudi Arabia) in the early 1800's. The emir's name was Seyyid Sa'id. This guy expanded his empire to Zanzibar where he created a virtual Camelot, all things considered. He was an Ibathi Moslem who encouraged peaceful coexistence with all religions. Seyyid was all wrapped up in the Age of Imperialism, fighting to keep the European nations from turning the rest of the world into colonies. Because of him Dr. Livingston was able to penetrate the African continent from the east and spread Christianity to the heart of the continent. Ultimately his actions changed world history.

I was suddenly fixated on Zanzibar, the island off the east coast of Africa, north of Madagascar, and the man who ruled it in the 1800's.

Seyyid's story triggered my writing gene. I started following the biography's footnotes back to their sources. I traced down a German-published diary that one of Seyyid's daughters wrote about life in Zanzibar in the mid-to-late 1800's. One thing led to another. Crazy information came from reliable sources. Did you know that the Dwani of Pemba (a nearby potentate during Seyyid's rule) would grab annoying children and sew their eyes shut? The Dwani also cut pregnant women open to see how babies were grown in stomachs. Then there was the gal who ruled Madagascar. She made the Dwani look like a piker! Seyyid was a man ahead of his time. Imagine him dealing with those local potentates and with the Queen of England, too!

I gobbled up all the information that I could, researched everything written in - or translated into - English about that area and that era. I met with university professors and tapped their expertise. I studied the basics of the Ibathi sect of Islam (Seyyid's religion) and hit a wall when the librarian at Harvard asked if I could read Arabic. Five years of research gave me confidence. I knew my stuff. I started to write my historical novel.

Meanwhile, Zanzibar remained invisible to the modern world. My exotic locale and international hero were nowhere in the public view - not in the papers, not on the literary scene. As if it didn't exist. Talk about a unique hook!

I polished my novel, researched publishers and sent a query to St. Martin's Press. Like magic, it caught their attention. They called, asking for the whole manuscript. They said to be patient. If they liked it they would share it around their offices to guarantee a consensus before contacting me.

A couple months later I got a call from an editor at St. Martin's Press. She explained that my offering got a lot of attention and consideration. Unfortunately, they had a book coming out in another month - an historical novel about Zanzibar in the LATE 1800's. The writer was M. M. Kaye - an acclaimed novelist who had traveled through the area extensively in her youth. She had been working on the story for over three years, and was one of their regular writers. They were sorry to have to turn me away, but they ultimately decided that they couldn't sell her books and mine, too. Too much overlapping interests, and she was the big name. They wished me luck with another publisher.

I was devastated. I was suspicious. Idea theft!?! But there was no way they could have stolen my manuscript and turned it into a published book within four months. And, as Fate would have it, M.M. Kaye's writings (about nearby India) were the reason I had sent my query to them. St. Martin's Press published her historical romances based in exotic locales, so they seemed to be a good match for my historical fiction. What a match!

What a match, indeed! I sent a half-hearted query to a couple other publishers and then shelved the novel. It took me 4 years before I could read "her version" of "my story" - at least that's how I felt about it. I liked mine better. Mine came from the point of view of a fictitious daughter of Seyyid Sa'id, not from a rich English woman's!

In all honesty, I knew there was no way that M. M. Kaye could have stolen any of my ideas. She, like me, had no notion that anyone else in the world was studying Zanzibar. If I'd only wrapped up the research and written it a couple years earlier! Worst of all: M. M. Kaye paid tribute in her end notes to the same diary that I had managed to find, written by the Seyyid's daughter. You'd have thought we both inhaled the same magic potion, even though she lived in England while I was toiling across the pond.

One month later I heard Billy Joel singing his latest hit - about a bar named Zanzibar. Who woulda thunk!?! It was in the air, and that's the only explanation I can come up with for it.

Ever had any experience like that? I wish I had a name for it. It's kinda linked to deja vu, but backwards. Serendipity? Isn't that supposed to have a happy ending? Such, they say, are the vicissitudes of life!

One thing I know, it definitely was not idea theft. I know that because the same kind of thing has happened to me at other times. Wait til I tell you about my experience with Ice Age Giant Beavers!

One of these years I'm going to sniff the wind early enough for luck to be on my side. Then watch out, world!

Write ON!
Nan

Ripples on the Lake: a New Zealand Paranormal

Enjoy paranormal thrillers? Like to learn about other cultures? Here’s the perfect summer read.

Ripples on the Lake, by Dawn Rotarangi, was published this spring by HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand). It’s a paranormal adventure that debuted at number three on the Booksellers New Zealand Best Seller list and subsequently moved up to number two.

Ripples is set in Taupo, New Zealand, a North Island town where folks steeped in Maori tradition must take care to avoid invoking the wrath of their powerful ancestors. It is a fast-paced story about the deadly revenge wreaked on a family who inadvertently breaks an ancient taboo.

As a native New Zealander of European descent who is married to a Maori, Rotarangi explores contemporary clashes between the indigenous culture and that of Europeans. Her character, Saffron Delaney, bridges the world of the living and the dead, carrying the reader onto the ancient shores of Lake Taupo, where the ancestors seek revenge for an unspeakable wrong and where Saffron must help to right the atrocity in order to save her own family.

Terrie Moran, who contributed to this post, and I have both followed Rotarangi's entertaining blog - The Flightless Writer – as she travels the road of a newly-published author whose first novel has been greeted with well-deserved acclaim. In heralding the book's release, Taupo Times’ Gill Cook said, “Unlike most authors who have had to plaster their wall with rejection notices, Dawn's first call to publisher HarperCollins resulted in them snapping up her book, that is, after she complied with the request to cut 30,000 words. ‘They don't like first-time writers going over a certain number of words,’ she says.”

Rotarangi captures New Zealand’s mystical beauty and its spiritual currents. In Ripples, she expresses her fascination with the long and intricate history and traditions of the Maori people. Her gifted storytelling will leave you wanting more...and hoping fervently that the nearby volcano does not erupt before you have a chance to travel to its shores.

Criminal Inspiration: Fake Rock

Not cubic zirconia, and not these guys either, a faux band assembled way before Spinal Tap to advertise Sony's stereos in the 1970s. Today, I mean something else entirely.

Since I'm often unable to think of a single, substantive thing to comment upon thoughtfully-- my fellow WOM set the bar admirably high-- I hope the dog days of summer also welcome quick, refreshing posts. And, as you may know, I find criminal oddities as refreshing as the tiny bubbles in champagne, perhaps even in a mimosa for the extra Vitamin C. I adore health food!

While crime fiction is populated with a seemingly endless supply of crafty, patient Supergenuises, real crime involves lots of people like this one:

A woman was arrested after she called police to help "get her money back" after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased...She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were "fake."

So unfair! I don't mean her deceptive dealer but the tragic fact that writers outside of Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiassen, or Victor Gischler would probably have trouble sneaking such an entertainingly irate consumer into their own manuscripts without accusations of farcical implausibility. Stay cool, and let the buyer beware.

Excuses, Excuses

This is going to be a short--and frivolous--post, for the same reason that the first three chapters of my book, which should have been in the mail this week remain on the office desk.

No matter how many times you tell yourself you're going to write 500, 1000, 2000 words a day, sometimes life gets in the way. And I don't mean "I didn't have time to write today," because if you're serious about writing at least something every day, you'll squeeze in the fifteen minutes to do so. And I don't mean "I broke my wrist so I can't type." That's a whole other kettle of fish. No, I am talking about when you can't write, can't think about your job, can't even remember what you're supposed to be doing because your mind is totally occupied with...

HOW MUCH YOUR HIVES ITCH!!

Why does this never happen to characters in books? Why do their whole lives never go on hold for days while they deal with some ridiculous inconvenience? I mean, seriously. When my characters can't meet their obligations, it's because they're in the hospital, or someone has died, or someone's been kidnapped. There are plenty of good reasons for putting some of your plans on the back burner, and I've given my characters several through the years. (As an aside: I used to give my students a "free pass" on skipping one assignment a year as long as they wrote me a one-page story in explanation. Since that was, for the most part, more complicated than the original homework, I didn't get many takers. I did, however, get some really imaginative excuses.)

I suppose the answer is related to Nan's "corpse in the first three pages" dictum. In reality, we rarely run across bodies out of the blue (or even inside the blue), but we have to put that kind of thing in books. If a character gets hives, there's always a good reason. She's reacting to poisons (a reaction we're careful to make fit into the rest of her history so it doesn't stick out like a...well...sore thumb). She's going to need to treat the reaction with ice from the freezer, where she will find a vital clue. She'll need to go to the medicine cabinet, where she'll spot something out of place. In books, the problems are never "idiopathic," (a fancy medical term for "we don't know why the hell this is happening") and they never extend day after day, preventing the protagonist from getting on with the many things she has to do.

Fiction isn't fact. It's more dramatic, more intense, and less...trivial. When I talk about the escapist quality of fiction, people often think I mean because I can see new places, "meet" new people, get caught up in someone else's life. And that's all true. But sometimes escapism is less defined than that. On days like today, I want to be--literally--outside my own body. And if I can't do that, I'll vacate the premises figuratively.

Questions on Deadly Beginnings

Should all murder mysteries begin with a dead body in the first 3 pages? Is that the first thing we should look for when critiquing someone's mystery manuscript?

As an eager mystery-writing student I'm constantly bombarded by the idea that you can't begin your book with just a hook; you also need a dead body trailing along behind it. I've read that advice in books on writing mysteries. I've heard about it at mystery conferences and book discussions. I'm reminded of it when my manuscripts come back from mystery competitions with encouraging notes and advice about how to zip my story up with a dead body early on. It seems like it's some sort of industry standard.

Yet, a whole lot of good, genuinely published mysteries don't start with blood and guts. Did they all get published before the dead body rule became written in stone? No! I can swear on their copyright date that they are fresh-on-the-scene publications. They start with a problem, a puzzling event, a smaller crime. Curiosity gets tickled. Odd-ball characters enter the scene and you wonder if this person is going to become the murder victim or the amateur sleuth's best asset. The next thing you know, either somebody dies, or a crime has occurred, and we're off! --- Just not on page one, or two, or even three!

How is it that these books don't start with the seemingly industry-wide standard of dead body by page 3? Well, I have a theory on that. It's a little convoluted, but since it involves blaming men for the problem, I think it's worth mentioning here:

I think we can all agree that the mystery genre has long been a male dominant scene. By and large the best selling writers have more blood and guts in their stories than cats and quilts. The females who make a dent in the glass ceiling tend to write P.I. stories, or go the medical examiner route. Even the folks at Malice Domestic, those goodly folk who avidly support cozy mysteries, have recently awarded their top prize to decidedly non-cozy books. So, it follows logically that, if you want your mystery to appeal to the agents and editors, you'd best come up with that dead body - preferably the first of many - and do it on page one, by gum!

The problem is that we aspiring writers often don't see the flaw in that logic. The mystery genre has a vast audience, and not all of the "you can take it to the bank" reliable readers want blood and guts. Some of them want wrongful deeds to be set right by a couple of lovers en route to the marriage bed. Others want small-town bakers to sift through evidence instead of just flour. Some want good Christians to interfere on the behalf of a wrongly-accused suspect.

Of course, it's far easier to sell a manuscript if there's a dead body up front and personal. Or, at least it seems to be. But if the magic's there, and you're selective in the agents and editors you approach, you might end up with the perfect match. At least I'm hoping that's the case!

So, what do you think?

Write On!
Nan

P.S. I'm deeply involved with critiquing. Not just my own stuff, but the stuff of others. And I like to see critique groups blossom. Matter of fact,I'm the Critique Group Coordinator for the Guppies (vast internet group of the Great Un Published) Chapter of the Sisters In Crime. In addition, I come into contact with lots of critiquing on-the-fly through my memberships in SinC, in SinC's Guppies, in SinC's New York Chapter, in SinC's Agent Quest, in Mystery Writers of America, in MWA NY, and then there's the private groups: Plot Hatchers and PopFiction. Whew! Is it any wonder I don't get much writing done? I'm forever focused on critiquing! How about you?

Potter Fans Make Creative Use of Wikipedia

Has anybody else out there stumbled on the enchanting use that fans of the Potter series have made of Wikipedia? There's an entire web of pages about the magical world Rowling created. Richly linked and described in loving detail. Take this snippet from the page about Death Eaters.

Every last one of these blue and purple terms are live links to additional pages. The ones pictured here reflect a mere fraction of the collaborative pages devoted to documenting the characters, magical beings, toys, tokens, and titles in the series.

I'm in total awe. Sort of the way I felt when I read The Lord of the Ring in high school and relished the detailed maps, elfin language lexicon, and rune lore that Tolkein provided at the back of my edition.

By the way, Tolkein's series is similarly documented in Wikipedia. Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time is not quite so generously hyperlinked, but similar attempts have been made to capture his fantasy world. In fact, I'm guessing any fantasy with devoted fans will ultimately receive wiki treatment.

Seeing fantasy worlds mapped out this way makes me wonder if creating a personal wiki for the mystery I'm writing might not be a bad idea. Come to think of it, I've got most of the pieces in files already...blurb, synopsis, character studies, scene list, timeline, research notes.... It wouldn't be hard to convert to wiki format and set up the links. It would be fantastic to hook all these documents together in a single wiki. Hey, I've even got snippets of free-writing 'by' various characters, and digital pictures of some!

I know, I know, I do tend to go overboard. But there's free software available to do this kind of thing, and naturally, once my book's famous (!) I can make portions of my own personal wiki available to Wikipedia....

- Lois

LADYKILLER: launch plus 4 months

My thriller, LADYKILLER, came out in April 2007 from Oceanview Publishing. Now that the party and the book tour and the initial signings are over, here's a progress report and a few words of advice based on my experience with this book.

• Get a great publisher. Oceanview is amazing. Other new authors report little or no marketing support from their publishers, but Oceanview has been wonderful. And not just the first 2 weeks either -- they are still at it! We have gotten over 30 reviews in publications big and small including important venues like Publisher's Weekly, Crimespree, Deadly Pleasures and Mystery Scene magazines; January Magazine, FreshFiction and Bookpleasures online. They are almost unanimous raves!
• Signings are terrific but don't forget to also drop by bookstores to sign stock. Most of them welcome authors. Protocol is to ask for the manager, know where your books are, sign them (bring your own sharpie), and make sure they get the Autographed Copy sticker. It helps to get the manager's name and introduce yourself to all available employees. Ask them to recommend your book to customers who like thrillers. Follow up with a note, if you're really on target.
• Online is important. A website is a necessity, but there are other aspects to successful online marketing. Listserves like DorothyL and Rara Avis go to thousands of readers, librarians, booksellers, reviewers and other authors. It is invaluable to be reviewed there by Gloria or Theodore Feit or other major voices. MySpace and the newer more targeted CrimeSpace are also crucial for book marketing. I can't tell you how many MySpace friends have messaged that they are buying the book! And I've made new friends as a result of this excellent blog. And it's fun!
• Look for unusual opportunities -- I have had good luck with customers in my nail parlor. I notice who is reading a thriller during their pedicure and talk to them. With luck, soon everyone is asking about my book and I'm distributing bookmarks like crazy. Also, the gym. Mine has a bulletin board where a couple member authors display sales sheets. I have authographed books held in sweaty hands there several times. My trainer and the gym manager are my informal marketing reps.
• Keep your publisher informed. Make sure you report on every signing and drop-by stop. Add every new contact to their mailing list as well as your own. If you see a new review or mention, tell them. Remember, your publisher is your most important client as a marketer.

Essentially, the message here is that books are sold one at a time. There is no magic bullet. Someone told us it's a marathon, not a sprint. They weren't kidding. Both my husband and I have very demanding day jobs, are writing our next novels, and maintain an active social life. We see most Broadway and off-Broadways plays, many movies, watch a lot of series TV and entertain a lot. But every day we work a little on marketing. It adds up.

Learning to Write a Mystery

Although I’ve been an avid reader from an early age, I’m not one of those people who dreamed of being a writer since I was three years old. In fact, I never thought about writing fiction.
I don’t mean that I didn’t write or didn’t enjoy writing. I wrote a lot, but I wrote project proposals, project plans, memos, user guides, training manuals, program and system documentation, management reports, and other business related documents. I’m proud of that writing. It was clear and to the point and served its intended audience. And I took great pleasure in the process, in finding just the right word, in putting words and sentences together to define, explain, and teach. I love the logic of writing.
Then, a few years ago, I had a sudden desire to write a novel, a mystery. But once I sat down at my computer, the complexity and the magnitude of the effort overwhelmed me. All the details, all the characters, all the clues, all the . . . . And how do you decide what to write? How do you develop a plot? How do you bring everything together? I stared at the clean white page on my screen. My hands hovered over the keyboard waiting for inspiration, but I had a serious case of mind freeze. Finally, I exited MS WORD and shut down my computer. Perplexed.
Did I give up? No. Did I need help? Yes. So I did what I always do, I turned to books. The first book I stumbled across, Stephen Koch’s The Modern Library Writer’s Workshop, provided a good general introduction. Then I discovered Stephen King’s On Writing, and I was off and running. I read any book on writing that I could find in the library. The useful ones I purchased, and began to build my own personal library while giving myself a graduate education equivalent to some college writing programs. After nine months of reading and studying, I wrote my first fiction, the first chapter of my book. Then I wrote another unrelated chapter and then I was stuck again. I had learned a lot but not enough. While I understood the various elements– characters, plot, technique, scenes, chapters, dialogue, setting, etc.– I still didn’t understand how to construct a novel. Something essential was missing, a structure or a process, an approach to bringing all the elements together. I went back to searching the library and book stores until one day there it was, exactly the book I needed, Write Away by Elizabeth George, a writer I admire. In Write Away George shares her writing process in detail. And with her process as my model I began to write. The result: a three hundred seventy page first draft completed in five months. I had done something most people talk about but never do. I had written a novel. Of course, I spent the next two years rewriting, trying to make it the best I could. I’ve continued to write while I look for an agent and about two weeks ago, I completed the first draft of the second book in the series. While rewriting the second book, I’ve been noodling an idea that I have for a new character, new series. I’m having fun.
The books made it possible for me to write the novel, and from them I learned to edit and rewrite. I’ve grown as a writer and I’m confident that I can do even better, but I need something in addition to the books to ratchet up my writing. My solution? A two-week writing workshop with S.J. Rozan in Assisi, Italy, August 8 - 21. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I excited? You bet.

Sorry, No Printing Allowed

Whenever I have the chance, I like to visit the blog of Marijke: nurse turned writer. Click here

Marijke is combining her long clinical experience as a registered nurse with her writing talent and now writes medical and health related material professionally, so her blog is always filled with interesting health related information. What I like best is that at the end of each blog she has links to the health and medical news for the day. Her side bar contains an ever changing list of links to what she calls “interesting and important health and safety info.”

So, right now you’re thinking: nice, Ter, but what has that got to do with us. We’re writers. The last thing we need is to make one more stop on the information superhighway when we should be WRITING.

Well, for one thing, the blog is a wealth of information and Marijke is a very nice lady, so perhaps she would point you in the right direction for research for the health issue in the story you’re going to write in October. (Didn’t think I knew about that did you?)

And for another, here’s a health link from Marijke’s blog that could be of great concern to writers. It's a report on a study that says laser printers can effect air quality. Click here

Well, I don’t know how ventilated your workspace is, but here in New York it’s summer. We’re having a ninety degree heat wave and I haven’t opened a window in my computer room since last weekend. I have my printer right on my desk top next to my monitor and what with writing and querying, I print lots of pages every day and whatever particulates spew forth, they spew right in my face and head for my lungs.

All these years I thought I saved my lungs when I gave up smoking. Will I have to give up printing next?

Terrie

News: Meg Ruley and Jennifer Crusie Split

Check out Jennifer Crusie's blog entry about how she and her agent, Meg Ruley, parted ways:

http://www.arghink.com/2007/07/31/on-the-road-laguardia/#comments

Is this like a divorce from your agent, or would this count as the firing of a writer?

Very interesting, especially since this presents one side of a sad story. I wonder how much trouble this created for Meg with Crusie's publishers.

As Jennifer suggests, change can be good, but it can come with some tough realities.

I wish them both the best of luck.

Write On!
Nan

The Art of Voicing a Novel

I remember the first few audiobooks I listened to, back with my aging mom, an avid reader whose eyes had begun to fail her. I couldn't stand them. My mind wandered. I found the readers who didn't vary their voice between characters monotonous, while those who did were frequently so awful at it that I wished they wouldn't try.

When I find a good audiobook narrator I like to let people know, because a number of the poor ones simply ruin the books they read. The first audiobook that I loved - and it still stands out as the best I've ever listened to - was Philip Pullman's trilogy His Dark Materials, read by a full cast of Brit actors. This book is so riveting there ought to be a warning not to listen while driving. (Can't wait for the first film in this series, The Golden Compass, out this December.)

I recently tried the unabridged The Sinner by Tess Gerritsen, read by Anna Fields. It's a definite winner. Field's reading is fluid. She's adept at moving between each character's distinctive voice without missing a beat. The characters sound so authentic that I remain suspended in story. The way I remember feeling as a child, being read to, back when I was much easier to please.

I've heard her before, reading Donna Leone's Friends in High Places, among others. My only beef - and it's a small one - is with her deepened male voices. Most of them sound like thugs. I think she simply tries too hard and could get away with a more subtle alto.

AudioFile Magazine salutes the best narrators in Golden Voices, and says the following about them:

"The best narrators have a masterful sense of pacing, knowing when to create a subtle, introspective atmosphere and when to be relentless. They also know when to disappear and become an invisible channel of words. Each narrator, reader, actor, storyteller's voice brings the words just to the listener. We have a unique and intimate bond with these voices and the actors who create them."

Voicing a novel's no mean feat. My abhorrence of those who do it badly makes me wonder how much clout a new author has to yea or nay a publisher's choice in actors!

Who're your favorites?

- Lois